One More Chinese Mother Post

...Then back to Korea. 


Here are two Chinese (-American) daughters' responses to Amy Chua's thoughts on Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior:


Julianne Hing in the Atlantic 


My mom would hand us math workbooks to occupy us during car rides the way other parents hand their kids Pop Tarts or carrot sticks. She, like Chua, packed our violins in the trunk of the minivan so we could practice even while we were on vacation and forbade sleepovers and weeknight television well into my high school years. I struggled mightily with math and science and my mother would wake me up at 6 am on weekends so we could go over math drills together for hours. Letting me fail was not an option to her, though I occasionally wished she would have. Thanks to her, I didn't. 


And  Amy Wang in the Oregonian

I feel for Chua's two girls, as I chafed under some of the same prohibitions growing up. Do Chua's daughters feel totally unable to talk to her about personal stuff, like classmates' crushes on them? Do they feel completely left out of the social loop? Do their friends -- if they have any -- openly pity them? Underneath their smiles, are they gritting their teeth and counting the days until they can leave home? Are they going to go wild when they're finally on their own and end up as heavy drinkers or worse? Do they ever contemplate running away or committing suicide? I know far too many Asian Americans who can answer yes to most, if not all, of the above questions.

Western Mom Vs. Chinese Mom

The anime version of the book: Via Atlantic Monthly

"Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior"...Thoughts from South Korea

If you have not seen this article in the Wall Street Journal, you must. It's adapted from a book by Yale professor and Chinese-American mother Amy Chua. 

A lot of people wonder how Chinese parents raise such stereotypically successful kids, the article begins. They wonder what these parents do to produce so many math whizzes and music prodigies, what it's like inside the family, and whether they could do it too. Well, I can tell them, because I've done it. Here are some things my daughters, Sophia and Louisa, were never allowed to do:

• attend a sleepover 

• have a playdate

• be in a school play

• complain about not being in a school play

• watch TV or play computer games

• choose their own extracurricular activities

• get any grade less than an A

• not be the No. 1 student in every subject except gym and drama

• play any instrument other than the piano or violin

• not play the piano or violin.

It goes on to enumerate stereotypical differences in parenting styles between Chinese parents and American, parents.  Bullying, spying, berating are all part of the job for Chinese mothers, along with untold hours of tutoring, coaching, and supervising mandatory study or practice time. All the meanness comes from love, of course, and a confidence that their children are capable of the best.  In the US, by contrast, parents are excessively concerned about their children's self esteem. They are loathe to force them to do anything and far more tolerant of failure. 

South Korean mothers are also notoriously strict and controlling about all matters of education. Ajumma, the term for a married woman, comes along with a significant helping of fear and dictatorial power.  Behind every successful child is an education-crazed ajumma and a passive father, I'm often told.

I have not met this exact Chinese mother in South Korea, though I imagine she exists. I have seen their academic devotion in other ways. I have talked to women who quit their jobs to manage their children's school careers, who form tight circles of friends to share secret information about the best tutors, and who will spend their child's entire winter vacations reading book after book with them.